Moving forward

Travis and I knew as soon as Kaden was off the vent and the knockout meds that go along with it, he was going to be asking some questions. Well today he asked me if Daddy's kidney was in him yet. As much as we were dreading this conversation, we had to be truthful without saying anything too scary. The only thing I'll say about our talk with Kaden is that he knows now, he's sad, yet he is looking forward to getting another kidney. There were a handful of times today when he would just get a little weepy with a few tears. He says he just wants to go home. We know he is going to go through a grieving period and he will continue to ask questions. We will try to do our best to reassure him that he will be okay and we CAN and WILL get through whatever comes our way.

I have a lot to work on within myself. I'm feeling very sad, extremely angry, alone, amazed, proud, and loved. I know my attitude about the whole situation is important because Kaden is going to look to Travis and I for answers and cues about how to feel about everything. It is hard when all I want to do is kick, scream, and break things....great example, right? I have also noticed that I waste a lot of energy getting irritated when I hear others complain about things that I think are trivial. My child has been at death's door twice in his short life so far...and some have the nerve to complain to me about how terrible their life is because of something insignificant? I just think that we should all be thankful for the good things in life and stop complaining. I say "we" because I know, to some people, my child's health problems seem like an irritating runny nose compared to what they have gone through. I need to work on not being so hurt, and I need to work on not complaining because I know it could be a lot worse. We all need to have a little perspective. I apologize for sounding really crappy, but I figure it is my blog and I can talk about my feelings even though I'm not proud of admitting some things. I try to be positive, but it is hard when you feel like you have been knocked to the ground, then continued to be kicked while you're already down.

The title to this post is moving forward....and that is exactly what I intend to do. Move forward through this journey we are on and hope that along the way we have more smiles than tears.